Sushi Roll Hall of Shame for 2011

Time for a small rant about some of the disgusting fare that passes for sushi maki these days. Don’t get me wrong, some sushi rolls are wonderful, but some people have gotten totally out of control.

We’re going to shed some light on these sushi roll transgressions, and hopefully prevent these kinds of things from being created in future. Singling out the wrongdoers is the only way. And these concoctions truly deserve to be our 2011 inductees into the newly minted Sushi Roll Hall of Shame!

So here’s our “dis-honor roll” for those poor creations that became out top ten abominations in 2011. Leave now if you have a weak constitution or if there are young children watching.

10. Let’s face it, if you pile several times the volume of food contained in the actual sushi roll on top of the roll, the quality of the initial roll hardly matters. Same goes for the taste of the crab salad piled on so generously.

This may have started life as a decent maki, yet due to the indiscretion of the sushi chef we’re calling this ill-conceived buffet atop a sushi roll a Hall of Shame inductee for 2011.

9. This volcano roll makes the list just because it looks like concentrated evil baked into a solid log.

This harbinger of stomach aches to come appears suspiciously solid and well formed, but not out of rice necessarily. Doesn’t look like laying a pile of scallions and drizzling eel sauce on the plate would salvage this heartburn in the making either.

8. Not sure what it is, but we don’t like it anyway. There is obviously layers of stuff piled on there, so they probably charged $15 or more for this.

And some of it looks like it is warm seafood, between the tempura flake topping and the underlying drowned sushi roll. Does it really matter what’s in it? We think it’s mostly made of FAIL!!!

7. This roll looks like a lionfish. It’s hard to see the detail — nature has provided a colorful assault on the visual cortex that prevent detecting the ingredients.

It might actually taste good too, as the consumer is likely in a state of deep hypnosis before she ingests this bizarre and possibly paralyzing creation.

6. Salads and sushi must be served separately. No salad rolls, no combining the two in some insane pile of sushalad.

If you want a salad before your sushi, go ahead. But why feel like you need to combine all your food for the meal into one big pile? Be civilized for cryin’ out loud! This “Salad Roll” is just a plateful of FAIL!

5. This monstrosity ranks in our top five offenders for 2011. It was heading downhill already as some sort of tempura roll which probably had cream cheese inside.

But to then add insult to injury by stacking the pieces up to be smothered in, well, whatever that stuff is just makes it something weird and intimidating. Let’s call this thing a zombie roll.

4. If it looks like an alien threw up, it’s probably not delicious either. We wondered briefly, after fighting off the initial heaving impulse, what on earth could have inspired the sushi chef to add russian dressing to this already disasterous sushi roll.

Let’s just move on, shall we?

3. No more rolls which contain no normal ingredients please! This monstrosity does have the shape of a sushi roll, but looks like it has more in common with a BLT sandwich than a sushi roll.

And what is used to wrap it – veggie wraps? Strips of lard? No need to pass the soy sauce for this roll, just gimme a dollop of FAIL!!!

2. If you can’t discern the shape, you shouldn’t even call it a “roll” – come on folks, if it’s a pile of stuff, let’s just ‘fess up and call it a big ol’ sushi pile.

Doesn’t matter if it started life as a cylinder, if the successive piling on of toppings renders it as just a nondescript plateful of ingredients it should not be called a sushi roll, right? It’s just a mysterious sushi mound. Number two – this sushi FAIL roll!

1. This cheesy roll takes top dis-honors this year, as the worst offender of 2011. A lame and boring roll would have been better than the result you see.

This uninspired sushi chef appears to have simply poured melted velveeta cheese spread over the top in a desperate attempt to cover up the shredded kani stick topping. But he managed only to FAIL!!!

Well that wraps up our worst roll countdown for 2011. Hope you learned something. And remember kids, be safe out there in the world of weirdo sushi rolls. You are what you eat, so when someone offers you something that looks like on of these things – JUST SAY NO!

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